However, having gone through this style of parenting, parents of Gen Z are being more cautious, conscious and aware of their parenting approach.
Parenting is a much more complex process than understood. In metaphysical terms, parent-child relationship is equal based on karmic equations. One could choose an authoritative father to offset the debt of power and control from a previous life; one could choose a victimized mother to finally be the saviour one couldn’t be in the previous life; parents may choose a disabled child to learn their life lesson of that of caring, vulnerability and unconditional love. The karmic theory does influence a parent-child relationship but it is not limited to that. There are several other factors involved in parenting, of which, CHOICE is the most important.
Choices are not subject to rationalisation. This is a departure from the general understanding of ‘choice’ as logical, based on facts or deterministic. If and when we find ourselves justifying a choice, it no longer carries the texture of a true choice. It is then a judgement; and judgement creates limitations.
‘What choices have you made in the past that has led to this relationship with your child?’ Is a question that can give a lot of clarity to what might be happening with you. What choices have you made as a child that has resulted in the kind of relationship you have with your mother and father? What choice can you make now to have more ease in the parent-child relationship? A good idea would be to make a list of these choices and see for yourself if they work for you now. If you can create a choice, you can very well uncreate it and make another one. Situations cannot change if you don’t look at these and consciously decide to change what doesn’t work for you.
We had a 7 years old boy in our day care centre whose parents held a high position in one of the top notch multinational companies. The child felt neglected most of the time, to say the least. He was the last one to be picked from our centre. Usually, he had to wait an additional 30-40 minutes every day. He had chips for breakfast and lunch owing to the parent’s hectic schedules, which didn’t allow them much time to pack his lunch. This child, on the other hand, chose to guilt trip the parents into buying the most expensive toys, ridiculous amounts of pocket money, among other unlike child demands. They made it work both ways till it didn’t. One can argue the rightness and wrongness of this way of parenting, leading to further complications of guilt, regret, blame and shame. However, if one acknowledges it as just a choice without judgement, one can choose a different reality from there onward.
As parents, you are doing the best you know how to and as children, you are coping with it the best you know how to. If we were to get out of the blame game, what can show up for all of us? If we could see our parents as just beings and not the direct manifestation of divinity, the relationship would be so much more expansive. For parents, it would be much more contributing to give your children an equitable seat at the table and at the same time prepare them for the real world. In other words, give them roots to ground and wings to fly.
Sonali Mittra (Therapist and Transformation Coach) and Navita Sharma (Nutritionist, Access Bars Practitioner)
Where to start
If any of this describes something you recognise, the first step is a conversation rather than a commitment. A free consultation exists to work out what would genuinely help — including saying plainly if this is not the right approach for you.
